I haven’t followed college basketball for years so any picks I make in this thing are based solely on what was going on 20 years ago.     So I saved my money and stayed out of the pools this year.

   An observation I have though is that there should be many more upsets as more and more “student athletes”  leave college after one or two years to try to play professionally.    I’ve always been a big believer that talent trumps experience more often than not.   But we’re not talking about a 22 year old vs. a 35 year old.  This is 18 or 19 vs. 21 or 22.   They’re both in shape.  But the 22 year old has been in his coach’s system four years. Understands the zone. The trap. The pick and roll and other ways to even out the talent gap.     If the younger, even though more talented player isn’t ready. Or doesn’t have enough talent around him,  many times he’s on the losing side.   I think we’ll see many more “upsets” in the NCAA’s to come that aren’t really upsets. 

  Aside from that, the tournament that really interests me this year is being waged though ESPN’s Colin Cowherd’s radio show; The Herd.    This is a battle to the final four between super heroes and super villains.    I’ll have to wait for Monday to see which heroes and villains make the finals, but as exciting as this has been,  I felt cheated that a couple of heroes weren’t invited to the show while others were.    Two standout super heroes were Captain Marvel and He Man.        It’s a tremendous insult to the Greek Gods who gave Captain Marvel his powers and to The Masters of the Universe.  Robin the Boy Wonder was invited for crying out loud!  And of course he got thumped in the first round.   As did Penguin.    But aside from the usual snubs, the tournament seems to be going well. Most people are rooting for a Batman/Superman final. I am also but as tough as Batman is,  he has to go through some super human dudes.   I don’t know how many tricks he has left in his bat belt or how much gas or nuclear fuel are left in the Bat Plane.    Like I said about the NCAA’s.  More often than not talent will win.  But don’t be surprised at the number of “upsets” that happen either.

  I’ll keep everyone posted.

A few Sundays ago I had to go to Lambert Field in St. Louis to pick up my daughter who was flying in from Arizona.   Naturally when I walked into the terminal and checked the plane schedules, hers was delayed an hour.   I didn’t bring anything to occupy my time during the wait and didn’t feel like buying an overpriced magazine in the gift shop so I decided just to sit for the hour and watch the world go by.

   After about twenty minutes of watching the world go by a raggedy looking guy came up to me with a story about his flight being delayed two days and his wife and kid had nothing to eat.    I wasn’t buying any of it and told the guy so.    He said to me anyway, “God bless you” and walked up to the next people about fifty feet away from me.   It was a couple with their kid I suppose. He looked around five years old.   

  I watched the bum tell his story and then the kid reached into his pocket and gave the guy some change.   My first thought was man.  Gullible kid.  Then I realized that here I am, a six foot two guy and the reality of the moment was that this little kid was bigger than I was.   I felt like Tom Thumb that this little kid just gave a stranger his gum money and I couldn’t give him a dime. This little kid was Paul Bunyan. 

  Watching the kid’s parents reaction I could tell they were proud.  They had to know that the guy was a bum but what really mattered was the kid didn’t judge. Didn’t make an excuse like I did.  He just dug down and said here you go sir.       I got up and chased down the beggar and gave him $5.   Told him I was sorry I acted like an ass a few minutes ago and wished him well.    I didn’t wait for a thank you from him because I didn’t deserve one.  The one who deserved the thanks was the little kid for teaching the big kid a real lesson.  

  The last year I played softball was 1998.  This was also the year of the great home run chase between Mark MaGuire and Sammy Sosa.    Interestingly enough, it was also the first time I’d had any dealings with the boss’ company, Turner Originals.

   My softball team was made up of good, but cheap players.     The league required we had uniforms but none of us wanted to spend alot of money on them.   We were just going to get tshirts from Kmart or something but the problem was getting them long enough so they would stay tucked in. That was a league rule also.    I came across Turner Originals in a catalog at the local big guy store and ordered a dozen in red.    Fortunately we didn’t have a sponsor because the tshirts had “Turner Originals” on the pocket so our team that year was called Turner Originals.       I wore that tshirt for years.  

   Back to the story.   Everyone pretty well knew MaGuire and Sosa were using steroids or something.   The way they bulked up over two years time made that obvious.     One of my team mates, Manny,  decided he was going to bulk up and start hitting home runs like Mark and Sammy. Then he would get all the hot softball groupies.      Manny was a little slow.  He must not have realized the few ladies that came to watch were the wives or girlfriends of the players already.

  Anyway, Manny had sinus allergies and he was prescribed either Rhinocort or Flonase.   Or both.   The doctor told Manny that these were steroidal so Manny figured they would make him bigger so he could hit home runs.    Manny went through a dozen spray bottles of this stuff in the first four weeks of the season.   He would take a sniff before each at bat.    Sadly, Manny never did hit a home run.    He did get some killer headaches though.    A couple of us though it would be funny to tell Manny that steroids had to be injected with a needle into your large muscles (rear end) but saner heads prevailed so we just let Manny keep snorting his Flonase.

  The headaches became too much for Manny and he finally got on some other allergy medicine.   I never saw him again after the softball season was over.    In a way, I wish Manny had hit some home runs.   Whether you call it cheating or stretching the rules or whatever,  we all like to see the long ball.

 I was visiting my nephew just north of Chicago when his mom asked if I could take him to the sci fi convention.    My nephew, I call him Butch,  a nickname his mother hates, is big into science fiction and I couldn’t break his heart by telling him I didn’t want to go so of course I said I’d take him.   No big deal. 

  It turns out it was a bigger deal than I thought because attendees dress up for these things.    Butch was going to wear his Luke Skywalker outfit.   He had “Spock” ears but than God they didn’t fit me.  He also had his “Captain Johnathon Archer” outfit.   I didn’t have any idea who Captain Archer was but it didn’t look ridiculous so I put it on and away we went.

   We got to the convention, at least that’s what it was called, it wasn’t as large as I thought. Mostly just local sci fi enthusiasts.    I was hoping to see a bar with a television in case this thing got boring or Butch left me alone but no such luck.    You’re never wrong wrong to have a bar at any event.  

   As I was dealing with my disappointment I heard a semi familiar voice behind me.  It sounded like Yoda and said “I see you have arrived Captain Archer. I am Yoda. Jedi Master.”   I turned and said “You look like a pickle.”

   Okay. I knew I was a jerk and felt like a jerk for blurting that out.  I noticed poor Yoda’s lower lip start trembling and felt even worse.  I quickly said “Just kidding Master Yoda.  Great outfit.  May the Force be with you.”    Yoda’s frown turned into a smile. At least I think it was.  Yoda then told me he was aware of Captain Archer’s sarcastic humor.    I then decided this could turn out to be a real good time.

  I spent the next hour and a half teasing guys dressed as Chewbacca or the “Data” character from Star Trek TNG.    I also found out that Johnathon Archer was the first captain of the Enterprise.  That made it even better because I figured nobody could back sass me unless he or she was at least a captain also.   These sci fi geeks do understand chain of command.

  A highlight was this guy who came as a Dalek from Dr. Who.  The gun barrel contraption coming out of his head shot a mist at everyone while he said “exterminate” or “Obey! Obey! You must obey!”

  It got even better though.  I noticed a few regular looking guys in a corner so I went over to investigate.   They quickly invited me to join them as one of them, also dressed as Captain Archer,  smart guy this Archer, had brought a cooler filled with three different beers.  He said he’d been to these things before.    I popped one open and we toasted Gene Roddenberry.  

   Several other neat things went on.   There was a contest to decide who had the best costume.    There were some very good outfits. Some of these people really put their hearts into creating these things.  But the outcome was never in doubt because a well built young lady dressed as Princess Leia in her bikini while being held hostage by Jabba the Hut outfit won.    Yoda told me the Force must be with her because she wins every costume contest.    All I could do was pat Yoda on the head and say “Yoda, some things are even more powerful than The Force.”

  The weekend started as usual.   Everything was planned out for me before it started. This weekend I got the thrill of taking my oldest daughter to the big city to look at wedding dresses.    When I asked my wife why I had to go and why she needs to start looking a minimum of 18 months before the tentative wedding date I got a smirk and lecture about what’s really important in life.    Always being one to appreciate learning new things, I thanked my wife for the life lesson.

   So off we went. My recently engaged (finally) daughter, wife, and other daughter who thought it would be a good idea to regale us with her worldly fashion sense. At just 14 years old she is fashion wise beyond her years thanks to HGTV.   I asked why I had to go and was tersely told it was bad luck for the groom to see the bride in her dress before the wedding.    Seeing as how I would also be responsible to entertain the baby while the others were looking at wedding dresses I though a smart remark about him already seeing the bride would be in order.   My wife must have sensed this because I received another smirk only this time I didn’t need the lecture to learn another life lesson.   I also learned that the groom, henceforth known as “meathead”  may be a meathead but he is also a diabolical sneak for getting out of this brutal way for a man to spend a Saturday.  He will pay for this but this weekend, it looks like Granddad is the one paying for everything.

   We all went into the dress store and that’s when the bride told me that Mom said she would give her $500 towards her wedding dress.    Then she quickly told the lady that waited on us that she wanted a nice dress and had $500 to spend.    I asked the lady if they had anything less than $500 that was nice and once again received the smirk of disdain and was told to go entertain the baby.

  I can take a hint and this turned out to be the best part of the day trip. My granddaughter is only three and a half months old but she’s interacting well and is interested in everything.    Just old enough to keep herself entertained a few minutes anyway.   So I put her in the carseat and we went to the Gander Mountain outdoor store.    Gander Mountain isn’t as awe inspiring as Cabelas or Bass Pro Shop but it’s still pretty neat.   Looking around there kept me and the baby occupied nearly an hour and a half.   I figured that would be plenty of time for three women to look at enough wedding dresses.    Of course, I was wrong.

   The baby and I went back in the dress store which was mobbed by budding brides to be.    I was on the receiving end of many dirty looks being the only man in the place.  I thought that the empty frontage next door would be a great place for a bar.   

  Fortunately my daughter only had four ore dresses to try on before she decided it was time to go.    Unfortunately my wife decided it was such a trying ordeal that I should take everyone to lunch and the bride should get to choose where.   I thought and prayed, anything but Olive Garden.   Of course she picked Olive Garden. 

  The rest of the day went well for my daughter and the baby. We went to the toy store because the baby needed toys.   Of course Granddad paid for them.    We went to the baby clothes store because the baby needed some new outfits.   I paid for them also.    When I suggested we go back to Gander Mountain because they had some stuff I needed my wife said we needed to cut back and I would have to make due with last years stuff.     She said it would show my daughters that I was a big man for sacrificing for them.    I reminded her that I was 6:2 and weighed 215 lbs.   She gave me another of her copyrighted smirks and told me to be quiet and drive us home.

 Employers everywhere are cutting back or at least trying to keep expenses from rising these days.   The place I work is no different.    But one thing most employers do is reward their workers for having special skills or certifications with some extra compensation.  My workplace is one of these.   If you obtain a series of licenses to operate the plant it adds up to an extra dollar an hour.   So of course, all my coworkers that never bothered to get these licenses got on me to help them out.

    Every day I was cornered by one or two of these guys asking what they need to know to pass their certification tests.   I told them all just read the manuals and learn as much as you can about the plant.     They didn’t seem to think that was the truth though.     They were looking for the “secret formula” or something that will make life easier.

  I’d had enough of it one day so instead of telling them to study I decided a different approach was in order when four of them started demanding I tell them the magic formula.    

   I began by looking around suspiciously to make sure the boss want anywhere to be found.  I told the guys the boss didn’t really want any more employees licensed to operate the plant because it would cost him money and I didn’t want to get in any trouble.   Then I led the guys to the cabinet that had all the manuals and certification guides.    I took out the four that pertained to plant operating licensing and presented them as though they were the Dead Sea Scrolls to the four now excited workers.    Something about taboo things that peaks the interest.     Then I said ” The answers to the tests are all in these books.”  While saying that I was also glancing around to make sure the boss wasn’t around to stop employees from becoming better trained and knowledgeable.    Then I said “Each of these special books has 12 chapters. You must read each chapter and take the practice test at the end of each one until you get 100% on all of them.  Then my brothers, you can pass the tests.”

  Their excitement soon turned to disdain when they figured out I was playing them for fools and that work was required if they wanted the certifications and extra pay they would bring.    For a brief moment I thought I had failed.   Then I told them I heard that we were not only not getting any raises this year.  Our health insurance premiums were going up almost $40 a week.   “Boy. That extra $40 from being a certified plant operator would sure come in handy.”      I was sure they were on to the looking around for the boss trick so I kept eye contact when telling those whoppers.    Fortunately it worked and one of them just got his certification as a plant operator.  The others are ready to pass their tests as well.     The boss said I had a future in politics.

 Got a call from my pal John last week.  He’d been talking to my brother in law who told him the fish were biting at his pond so we should come out and go ice fishing.

  I explained to John that that’s why I don’t talk to my brother in law during Winter. Because he would want me to go ice fishing.    John was persistent about this though. He said he got a ice fishing hut to keep us out of the cold and he would buy the beer.    That he was buying the beer was enough to convince me to try ice fishing but it was nice that he was bringing the fishing hut also.

   So John picks me up the next day and 40 minutes later we’re unpacking our gear.   Just two poles, a cup of worms and some small jigs.  And of course John’s ice fishing hut which I was wondering where it was.  

  John pulls this little nylon bag, about the same size as an umbrella case that portable umbrellas come in from under the front seat of his truck.     I thought this is weird.   Is that something he got from Bass Pro Shop to help us do battle with the mighty bluegill?  My excitement turned to bewilderment when John said the little nylon bag held the fishing hut. 

  I asked John how two guys that are 6 foot 2 and weigh 500 lbs. between them are going to fit into this thing that didn’t look much bigger than a ziplock sandwich bag.   John told me not to worry.  The picture on the advertisement showed three big guys looking out of it and smiling.   We should be able to get in there and out of the cold wind with room to spare.

  Apparently the guys pictured in this thing weren’t as big as John thought because after pulling the hut out of it’s bag it was obvious John was had.   It was basically a “lean to” about four feet high and four feet tall.    So we scrapped the idea of fishing in warmth and comfort.  Besides, we had beer and my brother in law already had holes drilled in the ice.

   Aside from watching John comically try to get his bait through the holes in the ice because he use a cane pole that is about nine feet long,  things went pretty well the rest of the day.   My brother in law showed up after a couple hours and by then John and I had caught eight nice Crappie and Bluegill.     My brother in law said he had a big mess of fish he’d caught during the week and invited our families to come out that evening and he’d fry them up.    I’m not a big fish eater but why not?   And not only did I end up having a great time ice fishing,  they tasted damn good also.     I’m glad I tried ice fishing. Although I thought I wouldn’t like it,  what was I out for trying. A couple hours maybe?   But now I can’t wait to go ice fishing again.