Employers everywhere are cutting back or at least trying to keep expenses from rising these days. The place I work is no different. But one thing most employers do is reward their workers for having special skills or certifications with some extra compensation. My workplace is one of these. If you obtain a series of licenses to operate the plant it adds up to an extra dollar an hour. So of course, all my coworkers that never bothered to get these licenses got on me to help them out.
Every day I was cornered by one or two of these guys asking what they need to know to pass their certification tests. I told them all just read the manuals and learn as much as you can about the plant. They didn’t seem to think that was the truth though. They were looking for the “secret formula” or something that will make life easier.
I’d had enough of it one day so instead of telling them to study I decided a different approach was in order when four of them started demanding I tell them the magic formula.
I began by looking around suspiciously to make sure the boss want anywhere to be found. I told the guys the boss didn’t really want any more employees licensed to operate the plant because it would cost him money and I didn’t want to get in any trouble. Then I led the guys to the cabinet that had all the manuals and certification guides. I took out the four that pertained to plant operating licensing and presented them as though they were the Dead Sea Scrolls to the four now excited workers. Something about taboo things that peaks the interest. Then I said ” The answers to the tests are all in these books.” While saying that I was also glancing around to make sure the boss wasn’t around to stop employees from becoming better trained and knowledgeable. Then I said “Each of these special books has 12 chapters. You must read each chapter and take the practice test at the end of each one until you get 100% on all of them. Then my brothers, you can pass the tests.”
Their excitement soon turned to disdain when they figured out I was playing them for fools and that work was required if they wanted the certifications and extra pay they would bring. For a brief moment I thought I had failed. Then I told them I heard that we were not only not getting any raises this year. Our health insurance premiums were going up almost $40 a week. “Boy. That extra $40 from being a certified plant operator would sure come in handy.” I was sure they were on to the looking around for the boss trick so I kept eye contact when telling those whoppers. Fortunately it worked and one of them just got his certification as a plant operator. The others are ready to pass their tests as well. The boss said I had a future in politics.
