The weekend started as usual.   Everything was planned out for me before it started. This weekend I got the thrill of taking my oldest daughter to the big city to look at wedding dresses.    When I asked my wife why I had to go and why she needs to start looking a minimum of 18 months before the tentative wedding date I got a smirk and lecture about what’s really important in life.    Always being one to appreciate learning new things, I thanked my wife for the life lesson.

   So off we went. My recently engaged (finally) daughter, wife, and other daughter who thought it would be a good idea to regale us with her worldly fashion sense. At just 14 years old she is fashion wise beyond her years thanks to HGTV.   I asked why I had to go and was tersely told it was bad luck for the groom to see the bride in her dress before the wedding.    Seeing as how I would also be responsible to entertain the baby while the others were looking at wedding dresses I though a smart remark about him already seeing the bride would be in order.   My wife must have sensed this because I received another smirk only this time I didn’t need the lecture to learn another life lesson.   I also learned that the groom, henceforth known as “meathead”  may be a meathead but he is also a diabolical sneak for getting out of this brutal way for a man to spend a Saturday.  He will pay for this but this weekend, it looks like Granddad is the one paying for everything.

   We all went into the dress store and that’s when the bride told me that Mom said she would give her $500 towards her wedding dress.    Then she quickly told the lady that waited on us that she wanted a nice dress and had $500 to spend.    I asked the lady if they had anything less than $500 that was nice and once again received the smirk of disdain and was told to go entertain the baby.

  I can take a hint and this turned out to be the best part of the day trip. My granddaughter is only three and a half months old but she’s interacting well and is interested in everything.    Just old enough to keep herself entertained a few minutes anyway.   So I put her in the carseat and we went to the Gander Mountain outdoor store.    Gander Mountain isn’t as awe inspiring as Cabelas or Bass Pro Shop but it’s still pretty neat.   Looking around there kept me and the baby occupied nearly an hour and a half.   I figured that would be plenty of time for three women to look at enough wedding dresses.    Of course, I was wrong.

   The baby and I went back in the dress store which was mobbed by budding brides to be.    I was on the receiving end of many dirty looks being the only man in the place.  I thought that the empty frontage next door would be a great place for a bar.   

  Fortunately my daughter only had four ore dresses to try on before she decided it was time to go.    Unfortunately my wife decided it was such a trying ordeal that I should take everyone to lunch and the bride should get to choose where.   I thought and prayed, anything but Olive Garden.   Of course she picked Olive Garden. 

  The rest of the day went well for my daughter and the baby. We went to the toy store because the baby needed toys.   Of course Granddad paid for them.    We went to the baby clothes store because the baby needed some new outfits.   I paid for them also.    When I suggested we go back to Gander Mountain because they had some stuff I needed my wife said we needed to cut back and I would have to make due with last years stuff.     She said it would show my daughters that I was a big man for sacrificing for them.    I reminded her that I was 6:2 and weighed 215 lbs.   She gave me another of her copyrighted smirks and told me to be quiet and drive us home.

 Employers everywhere are cutting back or at least trying to keep expenses from rising these days.   The place I work is no different.    But one thing most employers do is reward their workers for having special skills or certifications with some extra compensation.  My workplace is one of these.   If you obtain a series of licenses to operate the plant it adds up to an extra dollar an hour.   So of course, all my coworkers that never bothered to get these licenses got on me to help them out.

    Every day I was cornered by one or two of these guys asking what they need to know to pass their certification tests.   I told them all just read the manuals and learn as much as you can about the plant.     They didn’t seem to think that was the truth though.     They were looking for the “secret formula” or something that will make life easier.

  I’d had enough of it one day so instead of telling them to study I decided a different approach was in order when four of them started demanding I tell them the magic formula.    

   I began by looking around suspiciously to make sure the boss want anywhere to be found.  I told the guys the boss didn’t really want any more employees licensed to operate the plant because it would cost him money and I didn’t want to get in any trouble.   Then I led the guys to the cabinet that had all the manuals and certification guides.    I took out the four that pertained to plant operating licensing and presented them as though they were the Dead Sea Scrolls to the four now excited workers.    Something about taboo things that peaks the interest.     Then I said ” The answers to the tests are all in these books.”  While saying that I was also glancing around to make sure the boss wasn’t around to stop employees from becoming better trained and knowledgeable.    Then I said “Each of these special books has 12 chapters. You must read each chapter and take the practice test at the end of each one until you get 100% on all of them.  Then my brothers, you can pass the tests.”

  Their excitement soon turned to disdain when they figured out I was playing them for fools and that work was required if they wanted the certifications and extra pay they would bring.    For a brief moment I thought I had failed.   Then I told them I heard that we were not only not getting any raises this year.  Our health insurance premiums were going up almost $40 a week.   “Boy. That extra $40 from being a certified plant operator would sure come in handy.”      I was sure they were on to the looking around for the boss trick so I kept eye contact when telling those whoppers.    Fortunately it worked and one of them just got his certification as a plant operator.  The others are ready to pass their tests as well.     The boss said I had a future in politics.

 Got a call from my pal John last week.  He’d been talking to my brother in law who told him the fish were biting at his pond so we should come out and go ice fishing.

  I explained to John that that’s why I don’t talk to my brother in law during Winter. Because he would want me to go ice fishing.    John was persistent about this though. He said he got a ice fishing hut to keep us out of the cold and he would buy the beer.    That he was buying the beer was enough to convince me to try ice fishing but it was nice that he was bringing the fishing hut also.

   So John picks me up the next day and 40 minutes later we’re unpacking our gear.   Just two poles, a cup of worms and some small jigs.  And of course John’s ice fishing hut which I was wondering where it was.  

  John pulls this little nylon bag, about the same size as an umbrella case that portable umbrellas come in from under the front seat of his truck.     I thought this is weird.   Is that something he got from Bass Pro Shop to help us do battle with the mighty bluegill?  My excitement turned to bewilderment when John said the little nylon bag held the fishing hut. 

  I asked John how two guys that are 6 foot 2 and weigh 500 lbs. between them are going to fit into this thing that didn’t look much bigger than a ziplock sandwich bag.   John told me not to worry.  The picture on the advertisement showed three big guys looking out of it and smiling.   We should be able to get in there and out of the cold wind with room to spare.

  Apparently the guys pictured in this thing weren’t as big as John thought because after pulling the hut out of it’s bag it was obvious John was had.   It was basically a “lean to” about four feet high and four feet tall.    So we scrapped the idea of fishing in warmth and comfort.  Besides, we had beer and my brother in law already had holes drilled in the ice.

   Aside from watching John comically try to get his bait through the holes in the ice because he use a cane pole that is about nine feet long,  things went pretty well the rest of the day.   My brother in law showed up after a couple hours and by then John and I had caught eight nice Crappie and Bluegill.     My brother in law said he had a big mess of fish he’d caught during the week and invited our families to come out that evening and he’d fry them up.    I’m not a big fish eater but why not?   And not only did I end up having a great time ice fishing,  they tasted damn good also.     I’m glad I tried ice fishing. Although I thought I wouldn’t like it,  what was I out for trying. A couple hours maybe?   But now I can’t wait to go ice fishing again.

 The boss handed me the keys to the store today so I figured as long as he’s in an adventurous mood this is a good time to talk taxes.

  I did mine a couple days ago.  I used Turbo Tax this year. I reasoned that if Treasury secretary Tim Geitner could blame his tax mistakes on Turbo tax and get away with it, how could I go wrong?

 I thought things were fine because at the end of the program an icon said “return accepted.”  I thought great. I’ll get something back this year.   At least I thought that till this morning when I got the mail.  The IRS sent me a letter saying I made a mistake and my return would be for $500 less than what I’d computed.    Oh well. At least I don’t own them and felt relief until it dawned on me.    I wondered if they did this to everybody?

  Yeah. They did it to Tim Geitner.  And he’s the boss.

JUST CLICK HERE!

I grew up in a military family back in the days when being in the military wasn’t fashionable nor did it pay well.  As an enlisted man with five kids my father moonlighted all the time and around Christmas it never failed that he picked up a third job.  Reality was, we were poor, just like all the other military families of the time.

But, all the money in the world could not have recreated the joy, love, and excitment that I experienced as a child.

I remember one Christmas in particular, it had to be 1970 or 1971, which would have been right after my Dad’s last tour in Vietnam and we were in Frankfurt, Germany.  All five of us kids woke up to a Christmas Tree with gifts literally covering every inch of floor space in our living room.  Our family tradition was that all gifts were opened one at a time and we took turns.  Gift opening took hours that Christmas!

I remember, being at the age where I knew there was no Santa but still having to believe because of my younger sisters and brother, looking over at my Dad and there he was, sitting in his housecoat, his hair a mess and obviously having missed quite a few hours of sleep over the last month or so, and noticing that while he opened no gifts for himself, he was so full of joy and happiness. 

At the time I just realized that he was going to be really let down when he opened my gift becuase there was no way it was going to match what he and “Santa” had gotten me…

I marvel at that Christmas because there was no such thing as credit cards back then.  I got my first record player that Christmas.  It was a plastic portable record player where the speaker was actually the detachable top….and it only played 45’s.  The first record I played was Jay and the Americans, “This Magic Moment”  We were definitely a family that was blessed.  I can only imagine the scarifices my father and mother endured for their kids.

When I was 2 we moved to Germany and lived on the local economy.  Thus, I went to a german kindergarten and ended up speaking no english (that was the early 60’s and when we played army it was Americans against the Nazi’s…and even I wanted to be a Nazi!  At least until I made my first trip to Dachau.) 

So, we returned to the United States where I started the first grade in Texas and I was shuffled to the class with all the “slow” kids because english as a second language wasn’t offered back then.  I didn’t learn to spell my last name until I was in the third grade and by the fourth grade my Dad was drilling me and my younger by a year brillant sister on memorizing the multiplication table.  I cannot count the number of times I heard, “…God, you are so stupid…” and was dodging the deck of flash cards…

Then in the sixth grade I was “redeemed.”  A teacher recommended that my parents have my hearing checked and we found out that I suffered a severe hearing loss.  Whew!  I wasn’t slow after all but actually just couldn’t hear.  But because of my Dad I still can recite the multiplication table, I can name all fifty states and their capitals, and I can name all the countries of the world….and I can duck flying objects like a trooper!

When I played basketball it was always commented on how good my eye hand coordination was and I would always give my Dad credit for that!  I cannot count the number of holidays we spent without my Dad or we spent waiting on him to return from base but there is a long history of burned dried out turkeys in my childhood.  I played basketball all the way through college and my Dad only made two of my games.  But I can still remember the day I was out on a playground shooting hoops and I look up and I see him walking toward to court….

Even though he took most of his shots from between his legs….he earned my respect.

Christmas has never been the same since he died and neither has my family.  They just don’t make men like him anymore….

Now to go and enjoy the present Christmas which would be meaningless without the memories of Christmas past.

Merry Christmas!

Surfing the net today I came across this blog:  Stuff White People Like

Number 84 on their list was Tee Shirts!

Basically, the writer was dead on because I have been watching the Threadless site for three years now and the American Apparel site for about the same amount of time.  I can only watch these sites because at 6′ 10″ tall and weighing in at 270lbs I don’t have to worry about them ever coming out with anything in my size!

Surfing the internet is better than window shopping at the mall….

Now, I guess if I was smaller I would probably like to strut my stuff in tee shirts that are as thin as paper and I would probably not care all that much for quality because my wardrobe would change as my moods change.

But, I like my shirts to be solid and comfortable…and I hate shopping so they better last a long time.  That’s why my tee shirt of choice is a TURNER ORIGINALS!

These tee shirts are made in the USA and they are almost vintage:  They have been around since 1991!  In fact I have about four of them that I still wear that I bought in California back in 1996!