My wife was commenting recently on how fat our dog was getting. The big boss raises championship Pekingese. I raise this thing.
At thr same time I was wondering why we were going through so much cereal also. No sooner would I buy a box of Cocoa Puffs, I’m coo coo for Cocoa Puffs, than they would be gone. I accused everyone of eating them but nobody would fess up. Then a couple days ago I was under the stairs in the basement and here were at least a dozen shredded Cocoa Puff boxes.
I went upstairs and told my wife that the dog was swiping my Cocoa Puffs and hiding them under the stairs where nobody could catch him. She asked what I was going to do to punish him. I said “Punish him? Heck no. This dog’s livin large. He deserves a Turner Pocket T.”
Well I’m tall so of course I follow basketball some. That’s why Big N Tall nation is watching Phil Jackson’s drawn out decision whether or not to remain coach of the Lakers is just as interesting, and connected to where Lebron James ends up as a free agent.
If Lebron stays with Cleveland, Jackson will stay on as Laker’s coach. That’s because Cleveland is no real threat to another title run for Jackson. Lebron’s a great player who can lift any team to playoff contender. But to win a championship even he would need a far better supporting cast than Cleveland offers.
If Lebron goes to the Russian billionaire owned Nets, even if the Nets manage to sign a big time free agent like Chris Bosch the supporting cast still isn’t enough and Jackson stays.
Here’s where Jackson is scared. If Lebron goes to the Chicago Bulls who just traded serviceable but not outstanding guard Kirk Hinrich and others to gain cap space for a run at Lebron, Jackson retires. No way Jackson will risk losing in the finals to the Bulls. Like a spurned lover, he hates the Bulls. He fears losing to the Bulls. It’s not money or the need, or not, for more coaching success and legacy building that will keep Phil Jackson coaching in the NBA. It’s fear of losing to the Bulls that will send him into retirement. Phil Jackson’s a tall guy. But he’s not Big N Tall. No Turner Original Pocket T for him.
I went to the mall yesterday with my oldest daughter. As we were walking in this humongous truck, five foot tall tires. Artwork of demons and flames all over it. The hood of the truck had in big letters with blood dripping from them the words “THE WARLORD.” Just one hell of a big truck, pulled on to the parking lot. We watched as it was parked far away from the other cars and then the driver hopped out. More like jumped cause this guy was barely as tall as the tires.
My daughter broke out laughing at this little guy driving the monster truck. I told her to knock it off cause this guy is what Big N Tall Nation are all about. You don’t have to be 6:7 or weigh 300 lbs. to be a member of Big N Tall Nation. You just gotta live large man! If anything, this little dude that was livin large deserved a Turner Original Pocket T. I wish I’d had one other than the one I was wearing with me. I’d have given it to him right there.
Yeah yeah. I’m tall so I like Charles Barkley and basketball more than little guy sport soccer. That doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate effort.
Argentina coach and former great soccer player, the 5:6 Diego Maradona recently said the guy who is probably the greatest soccer player ever, PELE, belongs in a museum.
I don’t even know what they were arguing about. Don’t really care. I just thought it clever of the soccer world to have Maradona say something outrageous like Charles Barkley does. Unless of course Maradona said the museum thing about soccer’s elder statesman PELE on his own. Then he’s just a jerk who has no respect for his elders. Either way, it did get Big N Tall Nation to pay at least a little attention to The World Cup. But that goes to show that even though we’re livin large, little guys can still be interesting.
While the world is excited over soccer’s World Cup, Big N Tall Nation gives it the Big Ho Hum.
I coached soccer for nine years. It’s at best a place for kids to run around for an hour. Parents to get mad. And coaches and referees to have nervous breakdowns.
Soccer could be a good game though if not for the incoherent rule known as “offsides.” I read the FIFA manual dozens of times and the way I interpret the offsides rule is different from any referee I’ve ever had officiate a game. It must be different than what parents and the other coaches thought also because it seemed like every fast break or decent scoring opportunity one of the referees would call offsides. Most of the time when asked who or why someone was offsides, the ref told me “Because I said so.”
This ridiculous rule which causes two extremes of emotion, anger and boredom, has helped make soccer what it is in the U.S.A. A sport nobody over 18 unless their kids are playing care an iota about.
Another thing is that Big N Tall guys generally don’t play soccer. The best player on the field is about 5 foot 6. I think Diego Maradona was that height. PELE was a short guy. America’s “soccer messiah” Freddy Adu is a little fella. Face it. These guys may be able to kick a ball and run back and forth good. But Ray Lewis would kill them if they put on pads and played a real Big N Tall game like American Football.
I’ll be a good American and root for Team U.S.A. of course. It will just be while I’m watching something else. Three hours of soccer to see a one to nothing game and 67 offsides penalties that aren’t good for more than a reason to take a nap just isn’t stirring the patriot in me enough to sit through it. I’ll wait for the highlights on ESPN.
Go U.S.A.!
The sports world is a buzz with the bad call that robbed Detroit Tigers pitcher Armando Galarraga of a perfect game. And of course I and I’m sure the rest of Big N Tall Nation feel awful for Armando.
The reality is the guy is hosed and it would be impossible for the commissioner to overrule the umpire and credit him with the perfect game. And to Galarraga’s and the umpire who blew the call, they both handled this as good as it could be handled. We all remember when George Brett blew his stack over the pine tar on his bat call taking a home run away from him. I think that did get reversed though so maybe Galarraga should have gone nuts also. Who knows?
This did remind me of a Cubs game I watched over 30 years ago when I lived near Chicago. Milt Pappas had a perfect game in the ninth with two outs and a 3/2 count. Everyone in the world thought his next pitch was a strike but the umpire who called ball four. Pappas screamed a few four letter words at him and is bitter to this day.
What I’m getting at is that it’s time for some more use of instant replay in baseball. Like it or not, the game has changed. The players are bigger. Stronger. Faster. Have more coaching and access to video of the other team. Their training is better. Why not make the umpiring better with the use of replay. It can be done like the NFL. Allow the manager one or two challenges a game so the ball is in his court.
I hate to see a guy get a raw deal. For most of us if we make a mistake we get a chance to fix it. If the boss isn’t happy with a post he can send it back or kill it. If the ump makes a bad call though. And is big enough like this umpire was and admit it and look the guy who lost a perfect game because of it in the eye and apologise that’s all he can do.
Everything needs to be updated now and then. If nothing else, this bad deal for Armando Galarraga should be the spark that leads baseball to fix something it could easily fix.
I don’t think I look fat but for whatever reason waitresses and counter helpers ask if I want Diet Coke when I just ask for Coke. My wife is notorious for offering to get me a refill at Taco Bell then bringing back diet instead of regular. I always notice. She always denies it.
Every now and then I go ahead and say “Yeah. I’ll take the salad.” Then load the plate of lettuce up with bacon bits and cheese just to show them.
Lite Beer is a different story altogether. I like the taste. And of course it’s less filling so I have more room for onion rings. That’s why I love America. It was us who thought of that.
My wife and I went out of town for our anniversary early this week. For lunch we stopped at a trendy downtown place she said she’d been to with her friends. I knew something was wrong and when we walked in the place my suspicions were conformed. Them menu bragged about the low fat content and health benefits of the food. Everything was organic this or that. Cows and pigs are organic. So is barbecue sauce as far as I’m concerned. I failed to see what was so special. I ordered the roast beef sandwich and organic vegetable soup. I wonder what kind of vegetable soup I’d been eating up to now.
After ordering we were sent to the next counter to order drinks. I didn’t see any beer signs so I figured I’d wash down this wonderfully organic soup and roast beef with an organic large Pepsi. They didn’t have Pepsi at the drink counter. Or Coke or RC or anything with body and flavor. They had gourmet water at $4.99 a bottle. The roast beef sandwich was $5.99 and the salad another $4.99. I could have got the same stuff at Arby’s for a third the price. My wife said “This is going to be a wonderful lunch and it’s all organic and good for you dear.”
The food came and it was okay. Not worth the total bill of close to thirty bucks after I had to make a big donation to the tip jar cause some other people were in line waiting to pay while we were. My wife thought $5 made us look cheap and not trendy. I had to dig out another few bucks and pretend like money meant nothing to us.
The trip went on without any problems though. We went to Red Lobster for dinner and I made up for all the healthy, organic stuff I ate with a couple of lobster tails that were on special for $3.50 with a steak. And if I start looking too fat, I can always get some Turner Original T’s in XXLT.
Some folks think us big and tall guys get tired of being asked if we played football or basketball. We don’t. And the best thing about it is that it gives us an excuse to brag about past glories. And the poor guy that asked us has to at least pretend to be interested because he doesn’t want to make a big guy angry.
It’s the same way with pictures of our kids and grand-kids. I’m 6:2 and wear a size XLT Turner Original. Nobody yet has said “no thanks” when I asked if they wanted to see pictures of my granddaughter. The Big Boss around here is bigger than I am. If he wants to show us a picture of his dogs, even the cat lovers are more than happy to look at them.
So enjoy the latest baby pic folks. Times are still tough these days but hopefully baby pics help us all remember what’s important.
If you have a picture you think Big N Tall Nation would enjoy tell me in the comment section and I’ll email you how to get it on here.
Have a Big N Tall week!
One of the pleasures of parenthood is watching your kids compete. It isn’t always baseball or football or softball. In a recent case it was my daughter’s drill team.
The girls were a multi state champion flag team but to get to state you had to go through districts and regionals. Some of the teams were real good. Others, frankly, hard to watch. But for the most part, everyone has a good time.
We went to the district competition and at these things the teams all use one of three songs to flag, or kick or pom pom by. This year, one of the songs was called “I Am Beautiful.” I have no idea who the artist was but I thought it was a lame song. Then again. What do I know about drill teaming.
The first hour and a half was pretty good. If not for that awful song. The shows are well choreographed so there isn’t much waiting for the next team to take the floor. The next team caused me great pain though. A team of rather large young ladies took the floor for interpretive dance. of course the song they chose was, you guessed it, “I Am Beautiful.” The pain wasn’t watching the large young ladies or even the song. It was from the three hard punches my wife delivered to my arm because she knew I was thinking of some smart remark about the robust girls choice of song.
I protested as quietly as I could but my wife wasn’t buying my pleas of innocence. “I know what you’re thinking!” she whispered angrily.
How does she always know?
The girls though did do a good enough job to get the points they needed for a trip to the state finals. Yeah. I can be a jerk sometimes. But as a dad, I was proud of these young ladies. I bet their dad’s were even more.
Not living in Chicago, I’m at the mercy of Comcast as to whether I get to see the White Sox games. The Cubs take precedence and although I’m a Sox fan, I refuse to waste beer watching American Idol or some drivel when America’s past-time is on television. So on the evenings the Cubs are on, pop one open and watch the Cubs.
Lou Pinella has been the Cub manager going on his third year I think. Other than his first year when the division and wild card contenders were weak, he hasn’t led the Cubs to the playoffs despite a big payroll and legions of adoring fans. Maybe it’s the “curse.” Maybe the Cubs are mediocre. Maybe it’s Wrigley Field but they play night games now also so that might not matter anymore. It may be a combination of all that plus the tradition of Cub ownership and management just stinking.
Owners pay the bills so they will blame Lou eventually. It’s never their fault for hiring clowns or making bad personnel decisions. It would be a favor for Lou anyway. major League managers aren’t really in the “club” until they’ve been fired at least once. I can’t remember if Lou Pinella’s ever been fired.
My wife is glad I’m not a Cub fan because the beer intake would be far more. You can’t find a bookie anymore that will take the Cubs on anything except to lose, pop up or strike out with the bases loaded.
Granted; the White Sox are no better this year but Ozzie Guillen is far more colorful than Lou. Lou’s explosions are all an act. Ozzie is sincere. Sincerity has to count for something. But Ozzie will probably get fired first because he doesn’t make as much as Lou.
